All Flash no Finish, the Fall of Dwyane Wade

   How long ago was it that Dwyane Wade was crowned king of shooting guards? It feels as though not long ago media and fans alike were prepared to crown Wade as the successor to the almighty Kobe Bryant. It's amazing how quickly life changes. In 2011, ESPN named him the third best player in the association. Third. Now, Dwyane Wade is the guy who (intentionally or not), threw an elbow into Lance Stephenson's temple, as well as the former hero who traveled with less then a minute in a key playoff game. The issue with the current state of Dwyane Wade's game is not one play, or even a couple of plays from last night's debacle with the Pacers. Throughout the postseason, Wade was a shell of his former self. Once every quarter or so, Dwyane would do a particularly Dwayne thing to do, and he would make all of his doubters say, "Oh right! That's why he's an elite player!". The media helps Dwyane so incredibly much by protecting him from his doubters. The number of times I've heard members of ESPN and TNT analysts declare that Wade was only playing poorly because of his knee injury has easily exceeded Wade's average scoring totals per game throughout the playoffs.

 

ESPN does a substantially better job defending Wade than Wade does of anyone he guards.



   Maybe injuries are causing Dwyane Wade to slow down, perhaps that knee is the only thing separating Miami from being locked in to a final with San Antonio right now, but lets not forget, Wade is 31 years old. Depending on the severity of the knee injury, Wade might not recover, and even if he does, will he ever return to his previous greatness? History suggests he won't. I'm going to throw out some names, and you let me know how well they responded to injury. Harold Miner. Pete Maravich. Brandon Roy.

   Harold Miner is an excellent comparison to Dwyane Wade because both men shared the gift of flight. Early in Miner's career, he began to draw Michael Jordan comparisons, just like Wade. In only four years in the league, Miner won the NBA Dunk contest twice. What injury do you suppose tore apart Harold's promising young career? That's right! A knee injury! Actually several nagging injuries, just like Wade. Harold was forced to end his career prematurely because an injury to his knee squelched the most significant and deadly part of his game, his athleticism. Guess who else relies nearly solely on athleticism.

   Pete Maravich holds a legacy of both heartbreak and heart warmth. After Pete's career, he was able to put aside a life of debauchery to secure a happy and stable life all while teaching future generations how to shoot the lights out. His actual career however was cut short by, yup, a knee injury. A flashy, delightfully entertaining, and spectacular young guard who was forced to quit after ten short years.

   Brandon Roy, (who is making that face because his knee is exploding) epitomizes a more recent example of knee-related failure. Roy's lack of cartilage in his knees cut short a promising if not disappointing young career. In an attempted comeback, Roy failed to accomplish nearly anything for the Timberwolves before retiring for a second time. One other thing about Roy? HE'S TWO YEARS YOUNGER THAN DWYANE WADE.

   Once upon a time, Michael Jordan ruled the ranks of shooting guard, as well as the entire NBA, with an iron fist. He continued to do so until his late thirties, because even as Air Jordan lost his air, he improved. His footwork, gamesmanship, shooting ability, all soared to maintain his level of dominance. After father time finally caught up with Michael, (Or when Jordan decided to allow time to do so if you believe anything like me) Kobe Bryant inherited the scepter. Bryant also continued to excel as his legendary athleticism was eclipsed by his magnificent footwork, but out of a small school in Wisconsin came a fiery beast named Dwyane Wade. Wade slashed around, punched through, and hopped over any defenders in his way, and teamed with an aging Shaq to win a championship. For years, Wade and Kobe clashed for top two guard in the association, until something changed. Dwyane Wade began to grow old as Kobe did, as the two legends are separated by merely three years of age. Kobe Bryant followed in the steps of Jordan and used footwork and guile to remain atop the professional world of basketball, but his fellow man, Wade, did not. Dwyane still shoots as poorly as he did upon his entrance to the league, and he often charges to the rim as once was his custom. The rigors of playing smashmouth driving basketball caught up to him, no longer does Dwyane have the elite explosiveness that he once maintained and that guards like Russell Westbrook and Derrick Rose now possess.

   If Wade wishes to remain elite, he will have to expand his game as the greats before him have. Athleticism is a gift of God to the young man, and what Dwyane Wade is, is a young man no more. Rather than taking bad shots and crying for fouls, Wade should work on his jump shot, or perhaps his footwork. Miami finds itself in serious trouble with a young explosive Pacer team, and in order for Miami to play to their full potential, Wade will have to adjust. Father time can be evaded, but you can't run, jump, or slash away from him.

The Battle's of Atlanta

   Each week, brand new situations play out on the college hardwood, and new stars command the limelight. The number of people who knew who Ron Baker was before the Shocker's memorable Final Four run is in the ballpark of people who didn't cringe at Kevin Ware's injury.


And yes, I will try to bring up Kevin Ware's injury in as many situations as possible. We can keep track!

   Promising ball players become household names. Young college kids find ways to dazzle hoards of people in new and exciting ways, and each player does it in a different way. Whether it's Malcolm Armistead seemingly forgetting that Wichita State doesn't carry FBS football, or Trey Burke's science experiment to balance the powers of Chris Paul and Derrick Rose into one uncontainable force of brilliant speed and agility, players continue to dazzle us. Russ Smith plays as flashy a game as the great Allen Iverson once did, and Michael Carter-Williams may be the most annoying defender since Gary Payton. What matters even more than the players' displays of brilliance and their effect on us, are the match ups pitting these brand new superstars against each other.

THE KEY MATCHUPS

MICHIGAN VS. SYRACUSE

CENTER

   Any one who's watched basketball lately is familiar with the emergence of Mitch McGary, or as I have dubbed him, the Michelin Man. During the Wolverines matchup with Florida, Patric Young squared off on the block with Mitch McGary several times, and each time, I wondered, "Is it possible that we could forgo the game and watch Patric Young and Mitch McGary have a fight?" As I've stated before, with his fists, Patric Young could kill a man, or a hippo. Mitch McGary on the other hand, looks indestructible. He's not particularly toned, nor will he blind you with athleticism. However, I believe, and you may quote me, that Mitch McGary could receive 100 blows to the head from any basketball player, and still be just fine. He has a football helmet built into his skull, he hustles everywhere, and he is BIG and VERY strong. His opponent will come in the form of several long athletic Syracuse bigs, primarily Rakeem Christmas and Baye Keita. Both Syrcause big men understand how to execute their roles, and have shut down previous big men such as Cody Zeller and Davonte Gardner. The edge in the post will play a critical role in deciding a winner.


                                                            It's like they're twins...


WINGS

   Stauskas, Southerland, Robinson, Fair, Hardaway, and Triche. All of these guys will one day play in the NBA, and currently, all of them are capable of changing a game in a major way. Michigan seems built to beat a team like Syracuse, they've got a capable post, a slashing point guard, and shooters everywhere. They even run the court in a way that could disrupt Syracuse's halfcourt defense. If basketball were that simple, and if madness obeyed logical rules, Michigan would pick the Orange apart like they did the Gators and Rams. So, what did Indiana have? Taking inventory, the Hoosiers had: a lottery pick bigman, a top five slashing player of the year candidate, shooters everywhere, and crazy good ball movement. And then the Orange happened. The Hoosiers never found the range from deep, players became stagnant and Cody Zeller got blocked more times than Kevin Ware was mentioned on ESPN. (That is a lie, Kevin Ware was mentioned exponentially more than anyone since Tim Tebow.) When Southerland hits threes, the Orange open up their easybake 2-3 oven and begin to melt opposing players patience and shot opportunities. When C.J. Fair does C.J. Fair things, which is everything, the Cuse find a rhythm, and that rhythm has been in place since Louisville disrupted it.

POINT GUARDS

   This, this is potentially the single most important matchup of the tournament. If at all possible, I would like CBS to find Morgan Freeman to do the intro of this game as a ten minute Burke/Carter-Williams montague plays. Hans Zimmer's latest piece to set the mood for the game is nothing less than spectacular, and both players walk into the building with the demeanor and quiet presence of nightmarish assassins.

Morgan Freeman: The battle of Atlanta was underway, as two giants engaged in a battle that left both the city and nation on notice. One craft was driven by the unholy serphant of the night, The loathsome Mage Carter-Williams. With arms which stretched far and wide as any man could, the Mage began to take form of a spider, whose legs were cubits upon cubits in length. With these limbs of slithering silence the mage stole and disrupted the city as nothing ever had before. Across from him lay hunched over the son of Hades and bringer of scorching heat, the Warmonger Burke. As Burke continued to dodge every blow and predict every obstacle, he became hotter, and hotter, until finally the heat bursting forth from him scorched his opposition, smothering him with smoke, depriving him of his hopes.

                                             So...yeah. That's what it's gonna be like.


LOUISVILLE VS. WICHITA STATE

BACKCOURT

  From the beginning, I've said that Louisville's demise would be the implosion of the backcourt that led the charge to Atlanta. Until this point, we have yet to reach an instance of that being an issue. In this game however, two problems seem to be ready to appear. Obviously, Kevin Ware is out, and while this hurts the team from a units perspective, all the players will play inspired ball right? Probably, we say Louisville wear their emotions on their sleeve in the blowout win over Duke last week. Unfortunately for Peyton Siva, it means his backup is gone, which could mean forty minutes of action. One of Siva's greatest areas of weakness is his tendency to foul, especially dramatic at the point guard position. Peyton will be forced to play less aggressively, which could be a serious issue against the Shockers. On the flip side, the deep Shocker backcourt is going to have to find a way to match Russ Smith's production. Russdiculous will get his, and if the Shockers can't score or limit turnovers, this Cardinal backcourt could eat them alive.

MENTALITY

   One thing this Louisville team does exceptionally well, above all the rest, is frustrate the heck out of other teams. They force turnovers, pound the ball inside, run and gun, and they have Russ Smith. Wichita State is in the position it is right now because the lights never blinded them, the stage was never too big, and they never bought into the David versus Goliath mindset. Wichita beats the literal and hyperbolical snot out of their opponents, and typically other teams submit to their physically dominating style. Unlike all of their previous opponents, Louisville can take a game over in a matter of seconds. If Wichita feels threatened, play scared, or losses the "Junk Yard Dog" swagger they've recently adopted, the Cardinals will knock them out faster than Kevin Ware's leg bones. (In all seriousness, Kevin Ware's injury was nothing to laugh at. It was horrific and I don't mean to mock him, I just realized what it sounded like.)

                                                                   Kevin forgives us!
  
  



16 Teams Sweet Run Through Madness

   One week after the start of the tournament, less than one fourth of the initial invitees who showed up are still fighting to make it to the dance's biggest stage. March madness is in full effect, delivering memorable game after memorable game and creating folk lore superstars nearly every hour. Nearly every one of my points of advice from my last column fell through in about twelve hours, which was really a self fulfilling prophecy given I stated that formulas and numbers are arbitrary anyway. Despite the fact that my bracket now has less promise than Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's child, I admit that the first three rounds of games have been quite entertaining. From Aaron (I know I have Deshaun Thomas on my team, but I also missed three free throws so whatever) Craft and Tyrone (South Philly Floater, shout out to my cousin Verne) Garland's last second heroics to the elimination of Marshall (How many death threats can I provoke today) Henderson, this tournament has been right around perfect.



   Surprisingly, people don't like guys who do this and brag about beer pong winning streaks. Who knew?

   The remaining selection of teams include a Parthenon of superstars and a number of feel good surprise stories. Even though America's brackets are as shredded as the VCU defense, everyone simply has to enjoy this tournament. Few teams remain, some of them spectacular, some of them methodical, some of them free-ballin lob-throwers from the coast of Florida, but all of them could be legendary. Here's why each team could both make history, and fizzle before the weekend.

1 SEED. INDIANA

   So Cody Zeller and friends didn't have the best weekend. Yeah, they're alive, but for a team who many deem to be the tournament's most gifted dream, (wow) they had a heckova struggle with an underrated Temple team. Of course, by temple, I mean Khalif Wyatt, and by underrated, I mean, Khalif Wyatt should really be a first round draft pick. What had me scared for the sake of Indiana wasn't Khalif's bucket eruption, it was their complete inability to execute on offense. Temple runs the same sort of smash mouth get-up-in-ya sort of defense that the Hoosiers have a track record of struggling with, the same breed that Wisconsin used to topple Indiana twice. Indiana can no longer hope to execute the beautiful game, in the tournament, the strong survive. Wichita State is alive for a reason, they will beat the snot out of their opponent regardless of what the name on the opponents jersey says. If Indiana can't succeed against physical teams, they'll be back home before Tom Crean can call for a foul. The Hoosiers do possess two of the top ten players in the country, and when the Hoosiers are running, cutting, and shooting like they love to do, they're nearly unbeatable. How Indiana adjusts to the pressure will determine the length of their stay.


            Victor is starting to have the look of a Bond villain, so that projects at least an extra round.

1 SEED. LOUISVILLE

   Rick Pitino's attack simply is beautiful chaos. The organized havoc that the Cardinals play with is deadly but amazing, any team who forces twenty turnovers per game will always have a shot at winning a few games. Russ Smith and Peyton Siva are playing their best basketball, the Cardinal's supporting staff is coming into their own, and Montrezl Harrell looks like a star in the making. This Cardinals team is remarkably unselfish for a team that has as much talent as it does, and that won't change. Although the Cards are playing their best ball, inconsistency has been a concern all season. Not long ago, the Cardinals dropped twelve spots in a month after a blazing start. In their current state, Louisville is all but unbeatable, but when the wheels fall off, will Russ and Peyton revert to their stagnant turnover prone ways?

He isn't called Russdiculous for nothing

1 SEED. KANSAS

   I haven't been impressed with Kansas at all. Particularly in the tournament, Ben McLemore, a guy who was supposed to be a superstar in this tournament, has been relatively awful. The Tar Heels exploited a serious speed and quickness match up early in the game before Jeff Withey remembered how big he was. That to say, when Kansas plays a team who can lock down the perimeter, and render Withey ineffective defensively, they may face real danger. Oh, and they're playing Michigan this weekend, and Michigan can do both of those things. Yikes. Kansas does however have a shot at elevating their play because, as proven, Bill Self's club is a great second half team, and they do have serious star power, even if their stars have sucked through two games.

                           Ben McLemore? More like Ben McLe-LESS! Ha!....I'm hilarious.

2 SEED. MIAMI

   After a commanding win over Pacific and a less than stellar performance against the Illini, Miami is exactly what we expected them to be. Here, but without a whole lot of noise made. Honestly, Miami should've KILLED Illinois, that game was far too close to be acceptable. It was however expectable, in typical Miami fashion, they've just churned out win after win, time will tell if they can beat the nation's elite given their occasional underwhelming performance.

               0 is for how many seconds it takes Shane Larkin to reach full speed out of a stand still.

2 SEED. OHIO STATE

   The Buckeyes are in a great position to succeed for three reasons. One, Deshaun Thomas is on their team. If Deshaun Thomas is on your team, you are more likely to win games than if he is on the other team. This occurred in twenty-eight of thirty-five games this season. It's math. Two, Aaron Craft is either the bravest player in basketball, or the stupidest. How many point guards would take an extremely high stakes charge when there's a fifty percent chance he gets whistled and hands the other team three points? The same one who waves of one of the nations most gifted offensive weapons in the country in clutch time to call his own number after three missed free throws. Aaron Craft could guide them to the trophy, or he could lose them the game against Arizona, the Buckeyes are dependent on his play. Three, the Buckeyes are in a dead heat with Marquette for the luckiest team alive award. The remaining seeds out west are the 2, (them), an inconsistent 6, a 9, and a 13. Dang. The Buckeyes could walk to Atlanta, all they have to do is execute.

                           But next go round, Deshaun should really have the ball in crunch time.

2 SEED. DUKE

   In my last bit, I said Duke didn't play perimeter defense, and I would first like to formally apologize for that. These Blue Devils have all the tools to win it all, veteran leadership, capable scorers, and a legendary coach. Unfortunately, they also find themselves in the middle of the "group of death". Michigan State can pound the ball down low, where Mason Plumlee struggles with bigger stronger posts. Louisville and Oregon are both plenty capable of beating Duke as well, who simply finds themselves in a very difficult position.

                  Ryan Kelly is also the world's greatest mismatch, always giving Duke an advantage.

3 SEED. MARQUETTE

   Touched on this earlier, Marquette is the luckiest team still in the tournament. Don't tell me they're clutch, don't tell me they're scrappy, THEY ARE LUCKY. You aren't clutch because Davidson likes pegging balls out of bounds, and you aren't scrappy because Rotnei Clarke and Andrew Smith took really horrible and unnecessary bad shots. Marquette has won two games by an average of a point and a half. When Marquette plays teams capable of staying calm in the last thirty seconds of a game, they're screwed. On the other hand, luck is about as meaningful a factor as anything else in this tournament, so I also wouldn't be surprised at all if Marquette rattles of a few more wins in hilarious crunch time lore.

I have also taken it upon myself to nickname Davante Garder, "Clutch Orca" for his free throws, which did require an element of clutchness.

3 SEED. MICHIGAN STATE

  Michigan State is this year's team anyone could beat but nobody wants to play them either. Derrick Nix and Adrian Payne double to form a two man hit man team, and the Spartans play with the ferocity of actual spartans. Keith Appling is a classic Michigan State point guard, and everything points to the Spartans potentially putting together a solid run. At the same time, Sparty isn't spectacularly explosive, and outside of their fiendish post game, I've never watched a Michigan State game and thought, "Wow, those guys really have the 'it' factor!". Slow and methodical's the name of the game, the question remains, is that enough?

                         You remember that CBS story, you HAVE to want to root for Adreian Payne.

3 SEED. FLORIDA

  Florida is the frontrunner for the strangest team of the year award. The Gators won nearly thirty games by double digits this year, and has failed to win a game held within the single numbers. Patric Young and friends are 0-6 in games decided by less than ten, which is an issue in a tournament full of excellent teams who will undoubtedly keep games close. Florida simply has a huge issue with playing in minutes that matter, but the impressive mark of double digit wins suggest that when the Gators are good, they dominate. Mike Rosario, Kenny Boynton, and Erick Murphy shoot the lights out, as long as that remains constant, the Gators will at the very least return to the Elite 8.

Patric Young could rip a man's head off...I don't know if that can be applied to the court, but it's noteworthy

4 SEED. MICHIGAN

   Ah yes, my Michigan Wolverines, the undisputed frontrunner for the national title and unstoppable basketball juggernaut. It'll be interesting of course to see who finishes second in these silly and arbitrary games, but I'm looking forward to crowning the Wolverines king. All of this is hyperbole obviously, but I do believe Michigan could do great things in this tournament. Trey Burke dominates the ball for nearly all of Michigan's possessions, and one of the keys to winning basketball games this late in the tournament is for teams to be able to hold on to the ball and move it around with confidence. The Wolverines supporting cast is strong as well, and Mitch McGary is blossoming into a stud post player and energy guy. McGary has proven however to be someone foul prone, and when Michigan goes thin in the frontcourt, they struggle. Other teams find it easy to penetrate the Wolverine defense without a rim protector, and a significant part of the offense dissipates. Michigan is a team capable of rolling through the final rounds, but also one capable of squaundering a season in a matter of minutes.

          Also, this is my favorite player in basketball, so I shall praise Michigan religiously until they lose

4 SEED. SYRACUSE

   The Cuse posses the length, athleticism, and defense to be a mind-boggling frustrating force of ball stoppage, and that 2-3 zone from hell isn't about to relent any time soon. I nominate CJ Fair for most underrated player in basketball, Fair is part of a uber talented front line that has gotten the best of nearly every team they've faced. Michael Carter-Williams seems born to play defense in the 2-3, and his passing makes everyone on the court a scoring threat. Michael can also be remarkably inconsistent, and has made nearly as many plays that cost Syracuse the game as plays that won them. The Orange will definitely be a threat thanks in part to that there is a zero percent chance they play Georgetown, courtesy of Florida Gulf-Coast.

It's 50/50 whether Williams is assisting a corner three or absent mindedly throwing the ball into the third row

6 SEED. ARIZONA

   Zona possesses a scary mix of veteran leadership and young athleticism, which automatically makes them a threat to make a tournament run. Like most Pac-12 teams however, the Cats have struggled with inconsistency, and have proven little after wins over Harvard and Bucknell. Arizona did seem very impressive and remarkably focused in their first two games, but Arizona had a tendency to lose focus against good conference foes, and are liable to do the same against a focused and gifted Ohio State club. The good news, if Arizona can get past the Buckeyes, a Final Four birth is only one more win over a mid-major away.

This was Solomon Hill's confused face when he discovered his tournament schedule was easier than his early year non-conference schedule.

9 SEED. WICHITA STATE

   Doug Gottlieb alluded to Wichita State possessing a "Junk Yard Dog" mentality during their upset win over Gonzaga, a term which personifies this Wichita team perfectly. The shockers don't care if you're from the Big 10, they don't care if you don't know them by name, and they really don't care if you thought Creighton was the only good team in the Missouri Valley Conference. They don't mind if you had no idea where they're from, Wichita State is here to out tough you, out work you, and out man you. Gonzaga wasn't as overrated as many people are led to believe, the Shockers are just one heck of a mismatch. What these guys lack in talent, they make up for in heart, a trait as valuable as any other during March Madness.

(Right) This is Ron Baker. He's not necessarily the Shocker's best player, but analysists seem to all have man-crushes on him, so get used to hearing his name.

12 SEED. OREGON

  Before I say anything else, Oregon is not a 12 seed. Oregon was a 4 seed waiting to happen before the selection committee decided that winning the Pac 12 tournament was about as significant as the brand of zipper your jacket uses. (Did you know, zippers have an entirely unique and separate industry? I know right? Crazy!) But Oregon was thrown into the gutter and emerged from the trash as the severely pissed off homeless man who has a beef with society and won't stop fighting until he has claimed that which rightfully belonged to him. For the Ducks, that thing is respect. Oregon has opened some eyes, and are undoubtedly underrated. Domonic Artis, EJ Singer, Damyean Dotson, Arsalan Kazemi and Carlos Emory compose what may be the nations'most balanced scoring attack. Oregon shares one of Duke's struggles, as they find themselves in the group of death. Oregon has proven they belong: the next step will either be one toward historic greatness or a quick exit.

                      The Ducks' leading scorer changes nearly daily, so I just picked one, he has silly hair.

13 SEED. LA SALLE

   The La Salle explorers are true American heroes, for they have vanquished the diabolical Marshall Henderson and his antics, so to me, they have fulilled their destiny. The explorers do have the ability to advance farther than they have, they didn't win three games over higher (or equal) seeds for no reason. In their opening round game against Boise State, the explorers went Eight minutes without missing a shot from the field. That's an incredible number in a gym with no one else around, but in a tournament game? Wow. La Salle also has a more interesting matchup than many realize. La Salle's fast paced and efficient game matches up interestingly with the scrappy Wichita State guards. Both La Salle and Florida Gulf Coast have a chance to make history as the lowest seed in final four history, time will tell if either will succeed.

Shout out to Marshall Henderson, shout out to the dude at Subway, shout out to my 4th grade science teacher, shout out to Meek Mill, shout out...

15 SEED. FLORIDA GULF COAST

   What you've all been waiting for. For those of you who scrolled right through in hopes of finding this bit, I invite you to check out the rest of it. Good stuff, I promise. Now, what makes Florida Gulf Coast special, different from other cinderella teams, is that the Eagles didn't win their games through March magic, or a lucky play, or through the talents of a lone superstar, the Eagles were flat out better than their opponents.

FGC plays streetball. Their kids are so care free and pass happy that they look like they have no idea they're on any kind of national stage. They look like they're in a open gym, at the neighborhood court. The key for the Eagles to continue this immaculate run to immortality is found in the near innocence that they play with. If the Eagles start to worry, or do to much, or feel pressure of any kind, they will become road kill. Everyone in this tournament will crush the Eagles if they start playing with pressure. Remember, this team lost to Lipscomb twice. And you don't know what state that's in.



Sherwood Brown plays with that face, they even have a Swiss guy named Christophe Varidel who clog dances up the court after he hits threes, I can't make this stuff up.

   The opportunity is present for every team remaining in the tournament to write their names in the book of college basketball history. Each team also has the potential to lose before the weekend even arrives. In a year full of parody, this is how basketball had to end, with surprises, superstars, and no Marshall Henderson.

March Insanity

   March Madness. For some, it's a time of great excitement laced with nervous anticipation. For others (residents of Lexington, Kentucky) it's a time to analyze the shortcomings of each fan's life to see which sin could have possibly led to this inexplicable torture. For most, it's an excuse to get drunk at a Buffalo Wild Wings and cheer for small college kids whose names will escape them as soon as sobriety returns. For whatever reason you celebrate, there is an entirely likely chance you experience the highs and lows of March madness. The madness in and of itself is fun, mostly because everyday citizens with no ties to the tournament are able to submerge ourselves in the action. We tie our emotionally unstable well beings to certain teams we feel could win it all and follow the exploits of particular players with more passion than their own parents.

                         Tyrone Watson from New Mexico State just missed a three. My weekend is shot.

   The key to enjoying March Madness is to be GOOD at it. There's a method to the madness, and here we will explain how to not only survive the madness, but thrive in it.

STEP 1: KNOW YOUR ECOSYSTEM

  I bet most of you, (approximately 4 out of the 6 that read this) expected this to be a methodical approach to how to pick your bracket so you can finally beat Todd from cubicle 206 in your office pool. That nerd seems to know just understand the system. Jerk. He smells like beans anyway. We'll get to that, but the first thing you need to know about this tournament is that it is SO much more enjoyable when you experience it with the correct type of people. Several types of people like to mingle during basketball's answer to Christmas, so you need to know how to interact with certain stereotypes.

TYPE 1: LOYAL FAN OF INVOLVED TEAM

  You know this guy. This guy screams "Rock Chalk Jayhawk" every time he sees someone sporting a blue shirt. He owns a picture of Bill Self riding a stallion that if you squint, kinda looks like Mario Chalmers. When he saw that you picked Roy Williams, (basically his ex-wife x10,000) and the Tar Heels to knock of his pride and joy Jayhawks, you became his greatest rival.

  

Every uncontested layup Kansas has against Western Kentucky will elicit an "IN YOUR FACE!" reaction directed toward you.

  Basically, don't watch games with this guy. He's obnoxious when he wins and he's a wreck when he loses. There's no reason to subject yourself to undeserved torture from the crazy guy who tattooed Sherron Collins like a tramp stamp on his back. You're more than likely to know at least a handful of these guys, and if you don't, you'll certainly hear some this year.

TYPE 2: LUNARDI-ESQUE STATS GURU

  I'm qualified to speak on this group of fans because I happen to be one. I can name you each player in  each one seeded teams entire rotation, complete with listed heights and weights. If you know anyone like me, expect to hear absolutely useless jargon like this often. It's not necessary. Most of the time, it's also irrelevant, but it proves our knowledge, something that you absolutely don't need to know and something we don't need validated. This surrogate like quest for information comes with drawbacks, but if done correctly, hanging out with this stat geek can be one of your best decisions. First, do your best to acquire a guru who only spouts knowledge when you ask him. This person is likely so consumed with basketball as a whole that he won't feel emotionally attached to any of the teams, allowing you to enjoy your now more informed brand of basketball watchery a little more peacefully.

                           

                             If your guru references Lunardi over three times, you found a keeper.

TYPE 3: THE CASUAL FAN

  Casual fans make up a vast majority of the people you will meet, so be sure to understand this group. Almost everything is straightforward, as these fans are basically involved in the madness to have a good time. Casual fans don't however just start as casual fans, they develop into this state of fanhood. Whether statistical analysis was to difficult to cope with or their team failed to make the tournament, this fan is basically, well, basic. The only downsides to the casual fan are simple. Casual fans get bored quickly, often the average fan at the bar is there for the bar, not to be a fan. The truly infuriating part of the casual fan however, is that despite a completely lackadaisical approach to bracket competitions, the casual fans ALMOST ALWAYS dominate bracket contests. With no rhyme or reason, these gut instinct good timers often pull of the greatest upsets. Stat nerds tend to over think scenarios and matchups, and die hard fans will always pull for their own team, even though it's slightly unrealistic that South Dakota State won't advance to the Elite 8 before narrowly losing to Kansas due to poor foul calls. March madness earned its title because there is no rhyme or reason to the games. It's simply madness! Reason states that Butler couldn't lose their best player-turned-lottery pick Gordon Heyward and return to the nation's spotlight a year later. Madness however, does. So remember, these casual fans that make picks based on gut feelings and coin flips are often natures most secret geniuses.




                 

                                 This little girl will use those coins to blast my bracket out of the sky.

TYPE 4: THE KNOW-NOTHING FAN

   If a fellow patron poses the question, "Who's winning?" while the score is obviously posted, or if you meet a partaker who wonders, "What quarter is it?", or if you by unfortunate mishap converse with someone who asks you, "What inning are we in?" (this has actually happened to me before, beware, this is not hyperbole) you have met the know-nothing fan. This is the average Joe played one year of little league and  never touched a baseball again. The Joe thinks that ESPN is Sweedish for something and that Shaquille O'Neal was as dominant a point guard as he was an actor.

           
                                                          Which, I guess, is more or less true...


   Society has taught us to hate these people. What self-respecting man shuns sport? It's a part of culture and a highpoint of life! As it turns out, an awful lot of these people exist, and they tend to emerge just in time for big events such as the big dance. The key to coexisting with this group of "fans" comes from patience in dealing with their remarkably uninformed banter. If at all possible, you do want to avoid this group, as this subspecies has become notorious for asking mind numbing questions and igniting conversations of little or no relevance to the present game, and often distract from the otherwise glorious festivities.

                                      

Now watch in horror as your sweet old grandma transitions seemlessly from Scott Wood's clutch three to her weekly book club conversations.

          

STEP 2: FILLING OUT YOUR BRACKET

   A few paragraphs ago I touched on how the seemingly average spectators seem to dominate bracket challenges. The true madness of march is that, in all reality, any sort of statistical rationale kinda flies out the window. Very few of the statistical truths that seem to alter basketball on a deeper level ever come to fruition in March. In fact, very few statistical categories should be considered when judging how you believe different teams will fair. Here's a list of typically successful measuring rods for postseason success.

1. DEFENSIVE EFFENCIENCY

When it comes to the tournament, most stats fly out the window, but not all. While it is a new season itself, we can infer much about the success of teams based on certain traits they displayed during the regular season. Year in and year out, one trait has risen to the height of recognition. Defense wins championships. Period. Kentucky blocked a monstrous NINE shots per game during their historic championship run last year. Anthony Davis powered the Wildcats to a trophy by sending away four and a half shots per game while altering dozens of others. USF reached the sweet sixteen after playing what may have been the ugliest basketball in the history of the tournament. Rarely do we see players take plays off on OFFENSE to conserve energy for DEFENSE.

                          

Studies also show that often shooters were distracted by Anthony's oddly placed mustache and lost focus while shooting.

Given the history, here are a list of teams who play physical smash mouth defense who may make betting on them a little more soothing.

WISCONSIN- Bo Ryan's club not only plays some of the most infuriating and controlling defense in the country, the Badgers have drawn a very easy path to Atlanta. The west region is captained by Gonzaga, who's only defensive test were the Cowboys from Oklahoma State, and familiar rival Ohio State, a very beatable team.

LOUISVILLE- The Cardinals play solid all around defense, led by backcourt ballhawks Peyton Siva and Russ Smith. Gorgui Dieng sures up the middle with his omnipresent shot blocking ability. The Cardinals are good for an 81.0 adjusted defensive efficiency according to the Pomeroy rankings, good for first in the nation.

                                            

                                Gorgui doesn't know what that means, but he's happy about it.

PITTSBURG/BUTLER- The panthers are as tough as they come. Pitt wins games because of defense and rebounding, and pose a dangerous challenge to Gonzaga's run to the Peach state. Butler wins games in a similar fashion, the bulldogs will grind out any team over a forty minute span making each minute seem like a different unique hour of hell.

2. CONSISTENT PLAY AND SHOOTING

  Teams that play consistent basketball are often savvy veteran bunches who simply execute on a nightly basis. These teams rarely lose bad games, and you know what to expect from these guys, as opposed to a streaky team who may or may not find the fire in time for the big dance. Some of these veteran teams include:

MEMPHIS- The Tigers breezed through the Conference USA like everyone else was moving in slow motion, and comparatively, they were. Memphis simply doesn't lose to bad teams, and are led by senior point guard Joe Jackson, a man who made all the right plays in their double overtime thriller against Southern Miss. The Tigers shoot a commendable 48% from the field, and typically grind out a consistent performance. The only question that remains, will their consistent approach work against teams who are actually any good?

CREIGHTON- The Blue Jays shoot the ball at an ungodly 51% from the floor and a mind blowing 42% from three, higher than 137 teams shoot from the entire floor. Doug McDermott will churn out some performances for the ages, the only test for the Jays is can they defend upper echelon teams.

MICHIGAN STATE- This Spartan team has the feel of a classic Tom Izzo basketball team. Led by a dynamic point guard and the nation's toughest interior game, the Spartans will consistently punch you in the mouth until either you foul out or bleed out, which ever comes first. Never bet against a veteran Izzo club.

               

                                  Get too low on the block and Derrick Nix may actually eat you.

3. FREE THROW SHOOTING

  Teams that shoot free throws well typically advance very far in the tournament. As basketball gets more physical, more fouls are called. As fouls are called, free throws are rewarded. As free throws are hit, champions are crowned. Here is a list of teams who consistently knock down shots at the charity stripe:

DAVIDSON- Dangerous upset potential, great in the clutch at 80.1%

OKLAHOMA- Veteran team with a knack for winning games they shouldn't shoot at 76%

OKLAHOMA STATE- Wily defensive team as well, shoots free throws at 75%

4. PICK A TEAM YOU LIKE!

  As we discussed, all advanced numbers mean little in this time of havoc in basketball. Sometimes the best thing to do is follow your gut. Unashamedly, I have the Michigan Wolverines winning it all this year. Why? Because Trey Burke is the best player in America when he's on, and when the limelight is on, so is he. I also love Tim Hardaway Jr, and I don't really care about their lower than desired seeding. Their 9-7 skid after starting out 17-0? What of it? Pick a guy you like to root for, and follow him to greatness. A friend of mine attached himself to Kemba Walker after his stunning Big East tournament run and rode him to a national title. Simply pick a team you want to win and go! There's little evidence to suggest otherwise anyway.

                                             Although I will admit, these jersey's are getting pretty hard to look at.

A Tiny Problem With the One and Done

Carmelo Anthony. Kyrie Irving. Kevin Love. Kevin Durant. All of these men share a few accomplishments that only a handful of others may boast. All of them average twenty points per NBA game, all of them will play in the all star game in Houston this year, and all of them represent the United States internationally. Not a shabby list of accomplishments, only the best of the best can call themselves All Stars or Olympians. Oh, one other thing they have in common, all four of them left college after only one year. No one really puts "left college after one year" as a career accolade.


                                 
Wait, where's my one and done trophy? Hiding behind my scoring title? Nope. Other scoring title? Nope.

For so many young athletes, the accomplishments of Kevin Durant paint the picture of what leaving after the first year of college can turn into. Because of this, for every Kevin Durant, there are twenty Omar Cook's. For every Carmelo Anthony, there are a slew of Donte Greene's, each new Donte believing the notion that they're the next Carmelo. The Donte next to him is sure to turn into Tiny Gallon, not him.

                                "If that's my oreo falafel sunday, you're gonna be in some trouble!"


And that's where we begin our journey today. The legend of Keith Gallon. Tiny Gallon, if you were unable to decipher from the above image, received his nickname ironically. While Charles Barkley sported the title "The Round Mound of Rebound", Keith seemed suited for something closer to the round mound of onion rings. Despite his...shall we say, advanced weight, Tiny awed college scouts with his remarkably soft shooting stroke and mountains of potential. As well as the mountains on his... The idea of a post with such tremendous girth paired with a soft shooting touch made scout after scout salivate. Tiny would eventually land in Norman, Oklahoma, former stomping grounds of Blake Griffin. Then coach Jeff Capel learned quickly that Tiny was no Blake Griffin however. Gallon mustered a mediocre ten points and eight rebounds per contest, and while nearly averaging a double-double is typically quite an achievement for most players, for a player of Gallon's talent, there was work left to be done. Another year or two of work in college, and Keith could've developed into the second coming of Al Jefferson. All Keith had to do was return to college, a chance to grow his game and shrink his weight in a nurturing college environment. Like so many other misled athletes, Gallon chose to spurn college for the greener pastures of the NBA. See, Tiny decided that he was ready for prime time, and took his talents to the eligibility pool. Unlike many one and done bust players, Tony wasn't a lottery pick who would one day be a disappointment, he risked everything as a late second round draft pick. Some experts even projected he wouldn't be drafted. The Milwaukee Bucks would at least temporarily soothe his fears by drafting him with the seventeenth pick of the second round. So to recap, a former star high school recruit with untapped potential chose to leave a place where he could grow his game until he was ready for the big leagues, but chose to leave immediately because, hey, I'm gonna be Dwight Howard anyway right? This doesn't just refer to Keith Gallon anymore. We're talking about 90 percent of players who leave for the NBA too early. A common misperception about these kids who leave early is that they're money chasers. Kids who have never really had money have a few bills waved in front of their face chase it with the promise that it will always be that easy. These kids aren't stupid, their whole lives they've been nothing but the best, why would they expect anything to change?


               The only thing Kevin the accountant is beating Tiny at is food consumption. Actually...



Was it really crazy for Keith to think that he was better than he really was? Basketball had always come easy to him, no matter who he played he always had every advantage. The problem? There are at least a thousand other players who feel the same way! When these aspiring stars look at the bright lights of the NBA, they see Lebron, a man who dominated basketball like Will Ferrell dominates comedy movies. And look! Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving took the same path I can take! I've always dominated! And now I can do what they do too!

Jackie Moon and Tiny Gallon are about as talented. Moon gets the nod for "Love me Sexy", though.

Every Donte Greene or Acie Law that every lived believed this lie. Greatness is few and far between, even though it seems to course through each prospects veins. For every draft class there may be a Carmelo Anthony. Guaranteed twenty others guys think that guy will be them of course. But what can be done? The one and done rule is nearly as foolish as when players were allowed to leave high school a year early. The only difference would have been that Kwame Brown would spend a year pretending to care about the outcome of games at some college. The omnipresent Shaquille O'Neal believes that players should stay in college for three years, a sentiment echoed by thousands of basketball fans. The NBA players association fights this idea passionately though, and a resolution is unlikely to be found for quite some time. It's a decision that mutually benefits collegiate and professional basketball alike. Players who stay in college learn the game better and are better prepared to succeed at the next level. College basketball improves through the build up and distribution of talent, creating more parody and an overall improved quality of basketball. Recruits are unlikely to agree, but would certainly benefit from an extra year or two. Although a decision seems unlikely for some time, changes need to be made eventually, not only to protect the players from themselves, but to protect the game of basketball.